Aileen Cannon is still very, very, very, very, very bad at her job

Aileen Cannon is still very, very, very, very, very bad at her job

The less critical reader might think that, given all that the Supreme Court has done, happily fucked this week/month/decade, that SCOTUS conservative judges are the absolute worst lawyers in the entire federal court system. To which Trump’s ball washer and despicable ass Aileen Cannon now says: “Me! Me! Don’t forget me! I suck too!”

It was easy to miss, given that SCOTUS was busy rolling back most of the 20th century, but Cannon found yet another way on Thursday to delay the criminal trial of Donald Trump, who is accused of stealing national security secrets and stashing them in cardboard boxes he’s hidden all over his stupid Florida estate like he’s auditioning for “Hoarders.” Then she probably went to Mar-a-Lago herself and got a nice free steak dinner, because what’s the point of pressing your thumb hard on the scale for Cantaloupe Capone if you’re not making any perks for yourself?

Unless you’re someone who just sells themselves cheaply to the lowest bidder just for fun, which is also a possibility we’re considering. We’re sure Trump is glad he doesn’t have to leave money on the dresser.

Anyway. This is what she did:

Cannon said she would hold a hearing to reconsider another judge’s decision to allow prosecutors to bypass the legal privilege of one of Trump’s lawyers under the so-called crime fraud exception.

That other judge was Beryl Howell, then chief judge of the DC Circuit Court. Last year, prosecutors from Special Counsel Jack Smith’s office sought to compel testimony from Trump attorney Evan Corcoran in the documents case after Corcoran invoked attorney/client privilege before a grand jury. Corcoran had been one of the lawyers who turned over some documents found at Mar-a-Lago to investigators and reportedly prepared a statement that Trump’s legal team had found everything there was to find after a very thorough search of that discount rack Xanadu in West Palm Tree Beach.

Supreme Court: F*ck You (the homeless), F*ck You (the government), F*ck You (you).  Jan 6  Rioters... you guys are cool.

Supreme Court: F*ck You (the homeless), F*ck You (the government), F*ck You (you). Jan 6 Rioters… you guys are cool.

Prosecutors wanted to know whether Corcoran was lying when he wrote the statement or whether he knew Trump was hiding other documents. Judge Howell ruled that in light of these suspicions, Corcoran’s testimony fell within the crime fraud exception of the attorney-client privilege. That’s why he had to testify.

In other words, go talk to the prosecutors and scream like a pig, Evan.

The lawyers there will be familiar with the concept of collateral estoppel, the legal doctrine that prevents someone from relitigating an issue “in a lawsuit about another matter.” involving a party in the first case.” Otherwise, it might be too easy for, say, a particularly litigious defendant to eat up a court’s time and drag out a trial arguing something that another judge in a case with that person has already decided. To name just one specific possibility that comes to mind.

Court of Appeals agrees that Trump is too criminal and fraudulent to claim privilege over his lawyer's testimony

Appeals court agrees Trump too criminal and fraudulent to claim privilege over his attorney’s testimony

Maybe Aileen Cannon is just bad at judging!

Maybe Aileen Cannon is just bad at judging!

The exclusion of collateral, we assure you, is not an obscure concept. How often does a judge do what Cannon does here?Quite rare!!” according to our old colleague snipy. In fact, she was the one who put both exclamation points.

Cannon, in her usual snotty, defensive manner, wants the public to know that she is simply a diligent and thorough legal scholar and not some Federalist Society bungler eyeing a Supreme Court nomination in Trump’s next term:

But there is a difference between a ‘mini-trial’ that wastes resources and delays, on the one hand, and an evidentiary hearing aimed at assessing the disputed factual and legal issues relating to a particular application for expungement prior to trial, on the other.

There is a discrepancy, and every lawyer we’ve heard speak on this matter says Aileen Cannon is wrong.

In the same ruling, Cannon also allowed Trump’s lawyers to challenge the legality of the Mar-a-Lago search on the grounds that, as far as we can tell, she thinks words could mean something different than they mean :

While she acknowledged that it was clear that the officers had permission to take any documents with classification marks, she wanted to know more, she said, about what they had been told about phrases in the warrant, such as “presidential documents” and “information about the national defense’.

These terms, used to describe the types of documents that could be taken, “do not carry ‘widely understood meanings,'” she wrote, “such that a law enforcement officer, without further clarification, would have known that he was carrying such material as “in could identify property to be seized.’

We suspect that the FBI can distinguish between documents related to Trump’s presidency and documents titled, for example, MELANIA PRE-NUP, but we have been wrong before.

In any case, the outcome of that ruling is of course another hearing.

So Cannon gets to schedule two more hearings for more ridiculous and struggling appeals from Trump’s defense team, and the trial is pushed back even further. It is now scheduled to take place sometime in the early 3000s, when it will be presided over by Aileen Cannon’s head in a pot at the Main Museum.


(New York Times / Cannon’s stupid statement)

Aileen Cannon would really appreciate it if you donated to keep Wonkette going, probably.

Donation machine goes BRRRR