It may have been quite generally accepted in our childhood, Daughters adults are expected to return affection whether they want to or not. A non-consensual kiss for grandparents, a forced “Thanks” there. But times have changed.
However, this change in parenting style can sometimes lead to some, well, uncomfortable or even downright uncomfortable situations, as mothers and fathers try to make up for this child‘s autonomy.
Recently, a mother named Liz Kindred described just such an incident with her six-year-old daughter, prompting a number of other parents to discuss how to handle these less-than-ideal interactions.
How they are in a video posted on TikTokKindred was waiting in line with her daughter when a grown man turned around and said to the child, “My goodness, you are really pretty.”
“My six-year-old is beautiful, yes, but she’s also very sensitive and observant, and she’s an introvert, so she held my leg really tightly,” Kindred said.
The man did not let up and repeated his words: “You are really pretty. Look at those blue eyes,” whereupon her shy daughter only grabbed her leg even tighter.
The mother commented that by participating in a 12-step program she had learned to react less quickly. She bit her tongue and smiled politely at the man. She hoped that would be the end of the matter. But it wasn’t.
“He’s a baby boomer and, God bless him, he said, ‘I guess your mother didn’t teach you any manners.’ And I let out an uncomfortable little giggle and the pause was long. It was long. And quietly he said, ‘Don’t guess,'” she said.
In what she called the most “Jesus-loving way” she could, while still making her point bluntly, Kindred told the man, “If you’re assuming I haven’t taught my six-year-old daughter to say ‘thank you’ to a consenting adult man when he compliments her on her looks, you’re correct.”
What followed was the “longest silence” of Kindred’s life.
The video, which has now been viewed over 6 million times, prompted numerous parents to share how their own children have set boundaries in similar situations – with their support, of course.
“An old man called my four-year-old daughter a sweetheart in the store… she bluntly replied, ‘I am NOT YOUR sweetheart!’ I was so proud,” one person recalled.
Another added: “My three-year-old says, ‘NO THANKS, MY BODY DOESN’T LIKE THAT.'”
Another said, “My 2-year-old knows the song about boundaries and just starts singing it when someone talks to her.”
While the response to Kindred’s video was overwhelmingly positive, there were some comments defending the man and simply calling him “kind.” This prompted Kindred to Follow-up video She stuck to her decision.
In the clip, she talked about how she herself dealt with seemingly innocent compliments from men in her life, which later turned into something else. Feeling like she “didn’t have a voice” to speak up “because I’m a nice Christian girl from the South,” Kindred found herself in uncomfortable situations (she didn’t specifically say what those situations were, but it’s easy to piece together). She doesn’t want her daughter to have the same problems.
“Being nice is different from being friendly. Being kind means teaching our daughters and the next generation of children that if you’re uncomfortable with something, listen to your body, set clear boundaries and find words to say it. And that starts very, very early.”
Yep. Well said.
