Sex toy companies are talking about it, and television has caught up, somehow: Back in the early noughties, Sex and the City Samantha Jones complained about the (false) onset of menopause, while the Flea bag Oscar-winning actress Kristin Scott Thomas hails menopause as a time of freedom to “look forward to.” So… menopause is an issue for all of us as a culture?
Not so fast. Even though major media and DTC consumerism talk loudly and proudly about menopause, as individuals we’re still a little…embarrassed? I say this as a woman who has gone through menopause and has a dozen friends and family members who are in perimenopause or full menopause. When I talk to them about related topics, I notice how internalized ageism and outdated medical knowledge make them suffer from easy-to-hide symptoms like lack of energy, difficulty concentrating, and low libido, as well as hard-to-hide symptoms like hot flashes, weight gain, and mood swings. Statistics—the manageable number of statistics compared to the mountain of ED research—prove me right. For example, a recent survey of 4,000 perimenopause and menopausal women in the UK found that 45 percent of women had never spoken to their doctor about their menopausal symptoms and 31 percent had to visit their doctor several times before their menopausal symptoms were properly diagnosed.
Overnight, I became Karen and understood that Karen has no immediate control over her reactions unless she is aware that her anxiety and depression are increasing immeasurably due to the loss of estrogen.
a friend explains her menopause
Possibly this conspiracy of silence is because, well, who wants to deal with an agitated woman? As a friend of mine explained, “Overnight I became Karen and understood Karen in a very real way and that Karen’s behavior and reaction to the world around her is somewhat outside of her immediate control unless she is aware that her anxiety and depression are skyrocketing due to the loss of estrogen. Just like this idea that *middle-aged women* are bitches is a stereotype that has teeth because, yeah, hell, we are… bone loss, sleep disturbances, panic attacks, increased anxiety… We are definitely entering a new normal and men are not experiencing the same and I think I wish women knew that there are behavioral and attitude changes that can be attributed to decreased estrogen levels rather than being accused of being theatrical or just angry that society is no longer paying attention to them.”
So, in the interest of public service and with a little humor from me (a veteran of the sweaty front), here is an introduction from my menopause cohort about what not to a woman going through menopause. For more clues, look at the Instagram above and think of Jen Aniston supporting a sweaty, nervous, and probably hot-headed Drew Barrymore — and hold your own soaked friend or family member’s coat for her, too.
