By Slugvannah Brown
Eugene freshman Panda Bennett, aka Panda SnuggleSlug, aka professional cuddler and tarot card reader extraordinaire, was crowned the 2024 “Rain Queen” at the 42nd Annual SLUG Queen Contest and Coronation. “I am so grateful, overwhelmed and shocked,” she said of receiving the crown.
The Queen of the Society for the Legitimization of the Ubiquitous Gastropod has been considered the “unofficial ambassador of goodwill for Eugene” since 1983. The SLUG Queen is elected in a glamorous annual pageant featuring a Slugsona (a snail’s name and costume) who participates in a talent show and gives clever answers to a question from an old queen (who is also one of the judges who was bribed beforehand).
Like all SLUG Queens before her, Panda SnuggleSlug is expected (though this is optional) to crawl around Eugene during her year-long “rain,” appearing at events, working with nonprofits, and doing whatever she can to spread the slime of goodwill throughout the city.
“She has a wonderful charisma. And I think she is so focused on the community and sharing her knowledge and wisdom,” says Melva Boles, also known as Sustainably Old Queen Melva.
“My heart is so happy to see all of you. I know from the bottom of my heart that we can do wonderful things,” said SnuggleSlug in her inaugural speech.
The runner-up is Sitara T. Slugshine – someone who is expected to take over the duties when the queen is unable to do so, “so that we are not left without a queen, which we do not want,” said the forgetful old snail queen Bananita Sluginsky (Sarah Ulerick).
SnuggleSlug’s rain was preceded by Jilynn Cherish aka Jubilee Hedonisto, last year’s rain queen. “I think she will have a great time,” says Hedonisto. “She was a fabulous candidate from the start.” Unlike normal kings, the SLUG crown is not “inherited” – “once a queen, always a queen, and you never lose your crown when the reign is over, you just become an ‘old queen’ who courts favor and helps choose the next one.”
Hedonisto plans to “keep slimming down and keep shining,” she said.
The beauty pageant was judged by 26 old queens and celebrity guests, including Angela Ocana, Eugene’s library services director, and SparKelle, “the real tooth fairy” from Newport.
The parade began with 30 minutes of music by the One More Time Marching Band, which played hits such as Stevie Wonder’s “Isn’t She Lovely” and Ben E. King’s “Stand By Me,” but its highlight was occasional transitional interludes by the Bob the Builder Theme song or playing the Danger Theme song when they found that presenter Sluginksy talked too long.
As Sluginski took the stage, she asked the audience if they knew the rules of the pageant, to which the audience shouted, “The rules are: There are no rules!” and then the event began.
The parade also honored the six deceased Queens of Lore, including the 2005 SLUG Queen, musician Shandi Sinnamon, aka Frank Slugsnotra, who died on July 4. Outside of Eugene, Sinnamon is best known for her song “He’s a Dream,” which is played during the famous onstage water scene in the 1983 hit movie Flashdance.
Contestants in the SLUG Queen competition showcased talents ranging from felting a stone paperweight (Incontinentia PlasterSlug aka Joi Cardinal) to dressing up as corn and dancing to the viral TikTok song “It’s Corn” (Joanie Kent aka Sitara T. Slugshine the Agriculture Slug).
The highlight of the talent portion was SnuggleSlug’s talent for “arts and crafts” – she brought out her very own creations: her two sons and her daughter. “The younger ones are masters of chaos and I think the older one bites,” she announced. But she said she was proud of her work nonetheless.
Her “creations” sent affirmation cards around the audience while SnuggleSlug spoke for three minutes about how, as a professional cuddler, she’s here to “give people a place” and how she wants to convey to everyone that regardless of all the negativity, it’s always important to “practice radical self-love, even when life isn’t all sunshine and roses.”
No, half of the audience didn’t cry. They just had mucus in their eyes.
In the questions section, each of the wannabe queens chose a queen of old to ask them an interview question. When Hedonisto asked SnuggleSlug how she was going to embrace her inner cicada and make a grand entrance – but in a raunchy way – SnuggleSlug replied that she planned to “embrace the slow” and take time to enjoy those quiet, peaceful moments amidst the chaos.
This year, Queen Melva, who was crowned the second SLUG Queen ever in 1984, received her 40-year pin and became a “sustainably old queen.” She holds this title because when a queen ends her reign, she is pinned as an old queen. After an old queen reaches 10 years of age, she is honored in a pinning ceremony that promotes her to “very old queen.” After 20 years, she becomes a “very, very old queen,” and after 30 years, she is allowed to replace the “honors” and choose her own adjective.
“It was a very beautiful program tonight. Very loving,” Sluginsky said of this year’s pageant. She noted that it was more “low-key” than the typical grandiosity that matches the event’s reputation, but she noted that this year’s contestants showed that less can be more. “Everyone had a very kind message of community and everyone stood up for their platform. It was very beautiful.”
Check out the Eugene SLUG queens at SLUGQueen.com.
