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One of the things that defines quality television and cinema is the ability to see yourself in the characters on screen. People crave connection and emotional resonance. We watch shows not just for entertainment, but to learn about deeper parts of ourselves.
With that in mind, I’m constantly paying attention to how television and movies portray not only disabilities, but also the family dynamics surrounding disabilities. Disabilities have been part of my family dynamic since birth. I grew up with a brother who had a genetic disability that resulted in severe developmental and cognitive delays. And today, I’m a father of two children, one of whom struggles with medical issues and learning disabilities.
I’ve noticed that it’s rare for programs to feature siblings of people with disabilities. Even rarer for them to portray the dynamics of siblings with special needs in all their complexity – including the love and tension, the protectiveness and anger, the joy and guilt, the humor and sadness that siblings often feel.
As a journalist, I also know how difficult it can be to break away from familiar narratives. When it comes to disability, the storyline usually follows predictable plots. You know the drill: the disabled person must triumph over adversity, score the game-winning point, or make all their dreams come true. They live happily ever after. At the same time, the people closest to the disabled person benefit in some way from the illness. They somehow become more empathetic and better people because of it.
In my opinion, these stories are incomplete and invalidate the situation. The toxic positivity can even be hurtful to the disabled person. I don’t think anyone wants to believe that their disability is there to inspire others or make non-disabled people kinder or more grateful.
Of course, there is a lot of gratitude, optimism, and lessons to be learned from adversity. But as a viewer, I would much rather see characters and storylines that encompass the full spectrum of emotions and experiences, not just the rosiest outcomes. When I see siblings portrayed honestly on screen, it touches me on a deep level. Not to mention, portraying authentic siblings in media increases cultural awareness and empathy for this unique relationship dynamic.
Here are three examples of on-screen siblings that I admire. (Disclaimer: I’m only looking at sibling dynamics, not general handling of disabilities.)
“A Crazy Family” (Max and Haddie Braverman)
For most of Haddie’s childhood, her wants and needs were secondary to her younger brother Max, who was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome (now known as autism spectrum disorder). I loved Haddie’s character, as well as Max’s, who endures setbacks and heartache and, yes, eventually celebrates some triumphs. Their relationship is tender, endearing and complex.
There are many moments where the siblings can relate, such as when Haddie’s parents forget to go to their championship soccer game because of Max, when they ask her to attend a cheaper college because of Max’s therapy costs, and when they frequently assign her a caregiver role. Although they sometimes give her space to express her resentment and anger alongside the deep love and gratitude she feels for her brother, it’s no surprise that Haddie focuses on school (getting positive attention outside of the family) and eventually moves across the country to start her own life.
“Take me home”
In this beautiful Sundance short, a mentally disabled woman and her estranged sister must learn to communicate with each other in order to move on after their mother’s death. The film was created by a special needs sibling and stars her sister, who has a developmental disability in real life. The story captures the nuances of their relationship, the complicated grief and the fear many people feel when they suddenly find themselves responsible full-time for a family member who can’t live on their own. (Note: There are plans to turn this into a full-length feature film.)
“CODA”
The movie CODA is about Ruby, a child of deaf adults, and her relationship with her parents and brother, who are all deaf. I liked that all of the deaf characters in this movie were played by deaf actors. Additionally, it is relatable to see Ruby both deeply immersed in the deaf world and outside of it, on the fringes, often taken for granted in her role as the family’s interpreter. At one point, when her parents are arguing about whether Ruby should be allowed to go to college, her mother Jackie says, “She’s my baby,” and her father Frank responds, “She was never a baby.” Like many typical siblings, Ruby was forced to grow up at far too young an age.
Honorable Mentions
I asked other siblings what shows or movies they liked, and the answers varied. Some liked the (book and) movie Wonder because it showed how Auggie’s sister Via’s needs were often ignored and how protective she was of her brother. Others didn’t like the movie because the actor who played Auggie was not disabled and therefore not authentic. There was a similar reaction to Riding the Bus With My Sister, which some found heartwarming, but others found unrealistic and overly saccharine. Other mentions: Atypical, A Space in Time, and Five Feet Apart.
I think everyone would agree that seeing people like us represented in the media makes us feel less alone in the world, no matter who we are and what makes us unique.
Copyright Gina DeMillo Wagner
