DDating app bios are untapped meme land. It’s crazy how Gen Z and Millennials yearned for the right. After Bumble and Hinge’s latest upgrade, two-line “About Me” introductions and profile selfies are no longer enough. Now we get to see a compelling collection of human details revealed in multiple inconsequential personal tidbits – the apps call them “prompts.” Now you can cringe at a gym freak’s mirror selfies. And Listen to him explain CrossFit. It’s top-notch entertainment.
From dad jokes to “proud Hindu” denials, they reveal everything and nothing to stand out as the most intriguing fish in the sea of singles.
While you’ll never be able to tell a serial killer from a friend just by reading their bios, they usually reveal enough in their profiles to make a left swipe a sure thing. If he writes that he’s looking for “a girl who doesn’t take herself seriously,” he’s a professional gaslighter. Guys who introduce themselves as “Swiftie, not guilty” most likely haven’t heard a single Taylor Swift song. Some think their height makes up for their lack of personality. One guy’s bio on Bumble read, “6’2″ because every inch counts when you’re reaching for the top shelf.” I’d take a ladder over him. But he’s still more confident than the guys who call themselves “avid readers” and only Kite Runner and Chetan Bhagat to talk about. Then there are men who claim to be an “open book” – that’s just lazy posturing. They are hardly pamphlets.
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Read also: Generation Z is giving up on dating apps. Parents, Shaadi.com and LinkedIn
Crowd-tested keywords
In my research so far—swiping through Hinge bios—I’ve come across many comedic gems, often hidden in grammatically disastrous sentences. My absolute favorite? “We’ll hit it off if you’re up for some productive days and reproductive nights.” Isn’t he a great catch? Next in my collection is the guy who describes himself as an old-school lover in one section of his profile, but says he’s “looking for intimacy without commitment” in another. Speaking of mixed signals. In the list of random skills, one guy mentioned, “I can get romantic in a minute.” Another wrote, “Swipe left if you’re not witty and smart.” Last but not least, there’s the guy who’s probably looking for some premarital hand-holding, but unfortunately spelled it “martial.” Or maybe that’s not a typo.
It’s safe to say that dating app bios help filter out all the misfits and creeps. One guy who seems to have survived the dark side of polyamory added a warning – in all caps – to his profile.POLY WALE PLEASE DOOR RAHIYE MUJHE AUR STD NAHI CHAIYE.” (Poly people, please stay away, I don’t need more STDs.)
A fellow journalist, looking for a man with culture, has recruited Virginia Woolf and Tracy Chapman as guards in her biography. They keep all amateurs away. She also swipes left on anyone who says they like to drive long distances. “That’s why I have Uber,” she says.
Everyone creates bios for dating apps and looks for the specific type of person they want to date. But some men embarrass me by shamelessly stuffing their profiles with audience-tested buzzwords. They have all the right conversation topics and things like “I have the energy of a golden retriever boyfriend” and “Let’s smash the patriarchy together.” I don’t usually swipe right on guys who put “feminism” on their list of “interests.” I can’t be fooled, it’s the oldest trick in the book of male addictions.
Views are personal.
(Edited by Theres Sudeep)
