Sat in the garden with a With the book in hand, I enjoyed the wonderful summer weather we are finally blessed with and cheered when my 11-year-old daughter Ella showed me how long she can hold a handstand.
This is something she has been doing since the spring, and even though I had a break from work, I was glad we were all doing something outside and not sitting inside with our heads in front of screens.
The summer holidays are in full swing, but this year I have to say I am enjoying every second of it (well, almost, to be honest). This is because the children have not once – Ella and Leo, seven, said the words “I’m bored” and didn’t constantly pester us about screen time.
I have my four new rules about screen time to thank for this – but more on that later.
However, this was not always the case.
During the past school holidays, on days when we had nothing planned, the children usually wanted to calm themselves down by watching TV or playing on their tablets. Although I don’t mind the children spending some time in front of screens, I was bothered by the fact that my creative, imaginative, bright children preferred to entertain themselves with screens.
Of course, we always set strict limits on how much time the kids were allowed to spend watching TV or on their tablets – about an hour at a time, and they stuck to that (most of the time). But to be completely honest, there were times when they were allowed to stay longer, and I think that’s probably where things started to go a little wrong. Lack of consistency.
Our kids were constantly asking if they could spend time on screens, which led to my husband and I constantly saying “no” to get them to do something more productive, because we don’t believe that childhood should be spent with your head constantly glued to a screen.
It made us all unhappy because, although there is nothing wrong with saying “no” to your children, it still made parents feel guilty and made children feel like they were missing out because they assumed all their friends were spending endless amounts of time on the Internet or watching TV.
And we are not alone.
Recent research has shown that negative effects on mental health, sleep and behaviour, as well as cyberbullying and viewing inappropriate content. There is no denying that the digital and online world has become a real problem for children.
To solve this problem, I introduced a “boredom jar” into our family. the 2020 lockdown, where an activity prompt is written on coloured lollipop sticks and placed in an empty jar for the children to choose something to do when they get bored. Things like ‘make a comic strip’, ‘build a den’ or ‘paint rocks’. The children loved this idea and it was great for getting their imaginations going.
But last summer, even the “boredom glass” became boring.
Unfortunately, after suggesting something from the jar a few times, we had to put additional restrictions in place – like how much time should be spent on each activity – so they didn’t just do something for 10 minutes.
Frustrated, I decided to change my tactics last summer.
I had heard of Screen time charts, where children write in advance how much time they will spend on screens and what they will be doing. While these give children some responsibility – the idea is that they will follow their own rules – I believe that ultimately it is the parents who need to be in control in this regard.
So I thought about what I would prefer for my children and what they would probably compromise on. Then I came up with four things they can ask themselves every day during the holidays.
After a few days, the children only asked for screen time after they had done the four things
“In front of the screens, did I 1) spend at least 60 minutes outside? 2) read? 3) play? (at least 60 minutes) 4) clean up after myself?”
The children were skeptical but agreed that these rules were doable. Crucially, they understood that they were non-negotiable.
I too had some concerns about whether they would work well, but we implemented them immediately and the results far exceeded my expectations.
The “jar of boredom” was no longer boring. When they couldn’t think of anything to do themselves, they asked for inspiration from the jar.
They would happily sit outside in a cave and write stories and poems or spend their time brewing potions using colored water, essences and natural objects they had collected while walking.
They rediscovered their love for Playmobil and played board and card games together – and their bedrooms and living room were never tidier.
They definitely deserved their screen time and they made sure we knew it!
Of course, a few rules had to be mentioned again on the first and second day – but after a few days, the children did not ask for screen time until they had completed the four things.
What surprised me, however, was that they often spent much more time on these things than the recommended minimum – from an hour of reading to almost a whole day of playing outside.
Gone were the days of them declaring, “I’m bored.” Some days they didn’t even ask about screen time at all.
The children were happier too. You could clearly feel their excitement when they finished a series of books and invented new ways to play with the toys they had and their imagination – and they were proud when they had built something out of rubble or Lego.
The success of this policy has led us to make it a permanent house rule that no longer applies just to the holidays, but all year round. We already have a gaming and tablet ban during the week, but these rules help regulate TV during the week, along with getting homework done, and then on the weekend when all screens are allowed.
Setting boundaries to create healthy screen time habits is critical to our children’s well-being, and I encourage other parents to give it a try.
It worked so well for us that I know it can work for you too.
Ella’s daily commitment to a handstand now means she can hold it for around five seconds and Leo’s cricket skills have improved significantly with the increased time spent outside. Although we still had to juggle work and parenting, it was a summer holiday we will look back on fondly.
Summer 2024; the year we finally (almost) got it right.
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