This essay is based on a conversation with Valerie Rodriguez, a 31-year-old human resources manager from New Jersey. It has been edited for length and clarity.
I have worked in HR for 10 years, working primarily with business leaders to promote best practices. I am responsible for making sure people feel seen, heard and accepted at work.
The modern workplace has become an environment where people are encouraged to be themselves and not worry about what others think. Many employees believe that if I am accepted at work, then that’s phenomenal. If not, then it’s not the right workplace for me.
With this shift to a new level of acceptance, employees feel encouraged to bring their full effort to work. This can sometimes lead to them revealing too much information that they shouldn’t, which can put them in an awkward position in the future for revealing too much.
Here are three things I would never say to my manager because these things can hurt you more than help you.
1. Your plans for the weekend
I would be cautious about telling them your plans for the weekend, especially if you’re going to concerts, parties, lounges, raves, or anything else that might make your boss think you’re irresponsible or reckless.
A friend recently told me that she called in sick and when she returned to work, she was told she had probably been to a concert or party instead.
When I asked her why they had come to this assumption, she said that she had told her manager in the past that she enjoyed going to concerts, which is why they assumed that was exactly what she did.
I told my friend that it was wrong for her manager to jump to that conclusion and share it with others, but I also told her that she should play it safe and keep her weekend plans more private.
Some managers will associate your leisure activities with your work at work, and you don’t want that. It can be nice to share positive, responsible, or encouraging things that put you in a good light, but don’t openly tell your manager, “I was so drunk last night.”
2. Personal problems at home
Another problem that I have seen people repeatedly encounter is when they give their superiors the impression that they are not concentrating or that their mind is not on work but on a personal problem.
For example, “I just had an argument with my partner and he’s driving me crazy. We argued about X, Y and Z and that’s why I’m not in the best mood.” This opens the door and your boss might think you can’t separate work and personal life.
You don’t want your boss to think that the chaos at home makes you unsuitable for your role or that you are overwhelmed by it.
Honestly, we’re all just humans, not robots. Sometimes we think about home when we’re at work, but you should still be careful about what you share. If your manager has set the tone that anyone on the team can share personal things, this may be a safe place.
If you need to take time off, feel free to say you have a personal emergency. Remember, you don’t always have to be specific about what your emergency is. Every organization sees this differently, but for the most part, you can be vague.
3. You don’t like your colleague because of his personality
If you don’t like your coworker because he is obnoxious, spreads gossip, or has anything to do with his personality, I would avoid telling your boss about it.
You should also avoid statements like, “I can’t stand the way that coworker laughs,” or “His outfits are silly,” etc. If you don’t like something about your coworker because it doesn’t match your preferences, then it’s inappropriate to share it.
I wouldn’t tell a colleague these things about another colleague either. Unfortunately, people like to talk and may pass on what you’ve said to others, including your manager. You don’t know what your manager will do with this information and it can give the impression that you may be focusing on the wrong things. Ultimately, you could be seen as a bad fit for the team, not the colleague.
Well, here’s the thing: If your colleague is underperforming, unreliable, or not meeting certain expectations and you feel you need to bring this to the attention of management, then I think that’s appropriate.
Be careful what you share at work and think about what you share before you share it. I’ve seen people share something, quickly realize they can’t take it back, and then feel uncomfortable at work or make their coworkers feel uncomfortable working with them. This happens more often than you think.
