Dear Lucas: My grandchildren and I experienced it the other day at dinner. The restaurant had this digital menu that they apparently introduced during COVID. I’ve seen these things before, but I was hoping they would go away with the pandemic.
Apparently not. Anyway, I couldn’t figure out how the damn thing worked. You had to order online, then find a table, then send a code to your phone to cover my bill, then send an email – all just to order some burgers! Anyway, I got lost trying to figure it out and asked my grandkids for help. They figured it out pretty quickly and were annoyed with me for a while afterward because they always help me with the tech. We had a good time, but I’m afraid I ruined the mood. Do I just need to get with the times and learn how this stuff works?
Dear reader: No, you’re right. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older, but I don’t think that everything will automatically get better if you start stuffing computer chips into things.
I remember when I was in high school and smart devices were starting to become popular, my friend’s parents had a refrigerator with a touchscreen on the front that you could use to browse Twitter.
I never figured out how to tweet from my buddy’s fridge, but ultimately I’m glad I never did. No one needed to know what 17-year-old Lucas had to say at 2 a.m. after getting beaten yet again in a game of Call of Duty.
Why do we need these digital menus anyway? Has the food bank menu writers’ union gone on strike? Or are restaurants just too afraid to stick to their chicken piccata recipes?
Now that the pandemic is over, it no longer makes sense for them to do this. It’s so much easier to cheat on taxes and/or launder money when you don’t leave a digital paper trail.
However, we are not in control of this dystopia, and if we are forced to use this stupid technology, we can at least make the best of it.
Next time you have to order online at a waiter service restaurant, just keep ordering jalapeno poppers on someone else’s bill and then pretend it was all because you couldn’t figure out the online system.
“Oops, sorry,” you say as you pull up your belt, adjust your glasses, and charge another table for the next order of jalapeno poppers.
Once you’ve scared away the entire restaurant and thoroughly bombarded your intestines with this delicious mixture of dairy and hot peppers, those around you will quickly learn that this technology may be too powerful for one man.
Previous questions
Ask Lucas: My liberal nieces and nephews keep calling me “weird” on social media
Ask Lucas: How can I stop my Browns-obsessed boyfriend from ruining my weekends this year?
Ask Lucas: How can I get my coworker to stop being so annoying?
Ask Lucas: My Overly Ambitious Husband Is Ruining Pickleball
Ask Lucas: I allowed my neighbors to use my house because their power went out. Now they don’t want to leave.
Check out this handsome guy. His name is Lucas and he will be writing more columns like this, although common sense says to stop while he’s still ahead. If you want to send hate mail or ask him for advice for any reason, please email [email protected] .
