YYou swear you sleep better when you fall asleep in your partner’s arms, while your sweetheart says spooning is more stress than it’s worth. The heat. The accidental kicks. The you’re suffocating me Feeling. So who is right? Does cuddling promote or harm sleep?
There is not much scientific research on this topic. But the existing data speaks in favor of cuddling. “The perception is that it is a form of bonding, and there is actually good empirical support for the idea that cuddling could be good for sleep,” says Wendy Troxel, a senior behavioral scientist at the RAND Corporation and author of Sharing the blanket together: The guide for couples to better sleep.
Here’s how cuddling can help you sleep better.
It can make you calmer
Research has shown that forms of physical contact like hugging can reduce stress, and the same goes for cuddling before bed. “It can create a sense of calm and even have physiological effects, including lowering blood pressure and reducing the ‘fight-or-flight’ or sympathetic nervous system response,” Troxel says.
She says that such a calming response before bedtime – “especially with someone you have a good relationship with” – can promote feelings of security and relaxation, which can have a positive impact on sleep.
Dr. Simran Malhotra, an internist and lifestyle medicine physician in Bethesda, Maryland, says that among married couples, cuddling has been shown to increase relationship satisfaction more than simply spending time together. “It also improves sleep quality by providing a sense of safety and security, especially for women,” she adds.
The oxytocin effect
Another reason why cuddling can promote sleep has to do with what scientists know about oxytocin, which is sometimes aptly called the “cuddle hormone” or “love hormone.”
Research shows that cuddling increases feelings of security, relaxation and intimacy while also evoking positive emotions. All of these have a positive impact on sleep quality and overall well-being. These feelings come from oxytocin, which is released through various forms of touch, says Malhotra, and is known to relieve anxiety, depression and stress by lowering cortisol levels, which can negatively impact sleep quality.
Various types of touch that are not just related to sex – cuddling, hugging or even holding hands – can release this hormone and an accompanying “anti-stress response,” Troxel says.
Cuddling can improve your sleep routine
“Routines are generally good for sleep,” says Troxel – and that includes the five or ten minutes you spend in a cuddle position every night. Historically, sleep has always been a communal behavior, so the trend of sleeping alone is relatively new. Historian A. Roger Ekirch wrote in his book At the end of the day: Night in times gone by that night was “man’s first necessary evil” and caused much anxiety, especially in pre-industrial societies before artificial light was invented. Ekrich posited that sharing a bed provided a sense of security and physical warmth that was crucial to warding off real and imagined threats at night. Even today, sleep is a vulnerable state, Troxel says, and we humans tend to derive a sense of security from our connections to others. “That’s why it’s important to look closely at how our nighttime routines have changed—in many cases they’re absent altogether, and often they’re solitary rather than sociable,” Troxel says. Saying no to cuddling is a missed opportunity for social connection in an increasingly socially isolated world.
Everyone knows that using technology before bedtime interferes with sleep. But a little-known reason is that it’s a solitary activity, Troxel says. In the distant past, options for pre-bedtime activities were limited and often social in nature, like gathering around the fire. Today, smartphones and tablets rule the night.
“There’s even a term for it called ‘technoference,’ which refers to the increasingly common phenomenon of the use of technological devices disrupting face-to-face (or skin-to-skin) interaction, including cuddling,” she says.
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On the other hand, some physical contact and the opportunity to strengthen the relationship before bedtime can be “very helpful in signaling to the brain: ‘OK, now it’s time to calm down and switch off,'” says Troxel.
Take the example of Saša Malek, a technical documentation specialist based in Munich. She wears an Oura, a smart ring that monitors fitness and sleep. “I’ve found that certain types of physical closeness really help me before bed, like cuddling – emotional, embodied closeness between me and my partner,” says Malek. When she cuddles, she falls asleep faster and gets more REM sleep. “It’s really about allowing the body to relax.”
“If I don’t get enough REM sleep, I struggle. I’m in a bad mood and my mind doesn’t adjust well,” she says. When she discovered this pattern with her Oura data, she started prioritizing cuddling.
Pets can also make good cuddle buddies. Fitness tracker brand WHOOP found in 2022 that people who share a bed with their dog or cat feel more rested and refreshed the next day and sleep a few minutes longer. Despite these potential benefits of cuddling with a four-legged friend, research is inconclusive as to whether cuddling with pets in bed improves or worsens sleep quality; more research is needed.
When is the best time to cuddle?
Studies show that many couples cuddle a little before bed and then go their separate ways when it’s time to go to sleep, Troxel says.
Dr. Dylan Petkus, founder of Optimal Circadian Health in Tallahassee, Florida, says some research shows that touching, hugging, massaging and being intimate with your partner as you fall asleep generally has a positive impact on sleep quality. But cuddling can also have a negative impact on sleep if it goes on for too long, he points out.
The same study shows that there is a certain threshold for nighttime physical contact that can worsen sleep quality. “It was very individual,” says Petkus. “Everyone has a certain need for cuddling that can improve sleep. If you exceed this threshold, it can lead to sleep disorders.”
Whether cuddling has a negative or positive effect on sleep depends on the person and the way sleep is measured. “Many people may feel that they sleep better after cuddling, but that is not necessarily reflected in objective sleep measures,” Troxel says. What is calming and pleasant for one person may be a sleep disruptor for another – especially for people with a traumatic past.
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Too much closeness can cause discomfort, overheating or restricted movement, which can wake someone up when they’re trying to fall asleep, says Shelby Harris, director of sleep health at Sleepopolis, an independent sleep and mattress review website. Plus, if one partner moves around a lot, it can disturb the other, leading to poor sleep. People who are sensitive to temperature or movement may have especially hard time falling asleep while cuddling, she says.
“There will be no one-size-fits-all approach,” Troxel agrees.
Cheryl Groskopf, a Los Angeles-based therapist, says cuddling comes up frequently in couples sessions, and she often walks her clients through a wide range of different cuddling preferences. “One partner may feel rejected if they don’t cuddle, while the other may feel smothered,” she says. In this scenario, it’s important to explore each person’s needs and find a compromise.
For one couple Groskopf counseled, that meant establishing a set cuddle time before bed and then switching to separate sleeping positions. She also says using separate comforters or sheets can help regulate temperature, making sleep and even cuddling more comfortable for everyone. “The goal is to find a balance where both partners feel valued and comfortable without compromising intimacy,” she says.
What is the best cuddling position?
Due to a lack of research, it’s difficult to pinpoint an ideal cuddling position, but Harris and Malhotra both cite spooning as the most common choice. (In this position, one person lies on their side and the other person curls up behind them, also on their side.) “It allows for close contact while still allowing freedom of movement and breathing,” says Harris.
If spooning isn’t for you, you can still reap the health and relationship benefits of various touches like hugging, holding hands, gentle stroking and massaging, says Malhotra. This applies from birth: “During the newborn period, skin-to-skin contact, a form of cuddling, has been shown to significantly improve infant sleep quality,” she says.
Since limited research doesn’t provide guidelines on how to get the most benefit from cuddling, experts agree that you should do what feels best for you and your partner. That might be snuggling up to your partner’s shoulder or squeezing hands for a few seconds to feel a little closeness.
Perhaps most relevant to couples today is how lonely we are when we make bed together, even though it doesn’t have to be and it wasn’t like that for our ancestors, Troxel says. “It’s a sacrifice that couples make unwittingly and don’t even realize,” she says. When we ignore this chance for connection “by independently scrolling through our phones or iPads or watching Netflix, we’re neglecting this very rare opportunity that could be a sacred ritual,” she says.
