European iPhones are now more fun

Complaining about things is a popular pastime in America, so allow me to indulge you on this statement: The iPhone is now more fun in Europe, and that’s not fair.

They get all kinds of things because they Cool regulators, not like normal regulators. Third-party app stores, the ability for browsers to run their own engines, Fortnite, and now the ability to replace many default apps? I want that too! Imagine if Chrome on iOS wasn’t just a crappy little Safari emulator! Imagine downloading a new dialer app with a soundboard full of fart noises and setting it as the default! Unfortunately, Apple doesn’t seem interested in sharing these possibilities with everyone.

But beyond emulators and the reluctant adoption of RCS, Apple only seems interested in doing the bare minimum to keep regulators off its back. It’s starting to look like the company is selling two different iPhones: one for people in Europe, and one that everyone else can buy. That’s odd, especially because Apple’s thing is to keep things simple and consistent. But the company is so keen on keeping the two separate that it won’t even let you update apps from third-party app stores if you leave the EU for more than a month.

That’s the point: Wouldn’t it just be good for business to offer the same options to everyone, regardless of where they live? It’s not like Apple makes two different iPhones to appeal to different cultural preferences. The company makes one iPhone that’s more flexible and customizable and another that isn’t.

Maybe Apple will eventually give in and offer parity, like it did with emulators. But I think the company should make an uncharacteristic move: abandon the charade and give everyone, everywhere the same iPhone. That would be brave! Bold, even! But most importantly, it would be a lot more fun.