When the school year really gets going, it’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of busy schedules, homework, and extracurricular activities. Trust me, I get it. With a preschooler and a baby at home, my days are a whirlwind of drop-offs, diaper changes, and trying to squeeze in some quality time with my husband. But amidst all the chaos, there’s one thing I’ve found to be essential: maintaining contact with our kids.
It’s easy to assume that our children are doing well as long as they have enough to eat, clothe, and get good grades. But research shows that emotionally connecting with our children has a profound impact on their well-being and development. According to the Harvard Graduate School of Education, strong parent-child bonds lead to higher self-esteem, better academic performance, and less anxiety and depression in children.
Dr. Laura Markham, clinical psychologist and parenting expert, emphasizes that attachment is the foundation of successful parenting. “When your child feels connected to you, they are more likely to cooperate with you, listen to you, and confide in you,” she explains. This attachment also promotes resilience and helps children face the challenges of growing up with a sense of security and trust.
So how can we stay connected with our kids when life feels like one long to-do list? Here are some strategies that have worked for our family and are backed by experts:
1. Make morning time special. Mornings can be chaotic, but they also offer the best opportunity to bond. Even if it’s just five minutes, try to start the day calmly and positively. A quick breakfast together, singing a song together on the way to school, or a hug before leaving the house can set a loving mood for the day ahead.
2. Prioritize family meals. Family dinners are an excellent opportunity to bond. Studies from Columbia University’s National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse have shown that children who regularly eat dinner with their family are less likely to engage in risky behavior and more likely to have a healthier relationship with their parents. Make this time device-free and encourage everyone to share about their day — highs, lows, and everything in between.
3. Create bedtime rituals. Bedtime is a wonderful time to wind down and bond with your child. Reading a story, talking about the day, or just cuddling can help your child feel safe and loved as they fall asleep. This ritual doesn’t have to be long; the most important thing is consistency.
4. Be present in the small moments. Connection doesn’t always have to be grand. Sometimes it’s the little moments that mean the most. Be fully present when your child wants to tell you about their day, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Put your phone away, make eye contact, and listen carefully. This shows your child that they are a priority.
5. Respond to their interests. Show interest in the things your child loves, whether it’s a TV show, a sport, or a hobby. Engaging in your child’s world – even if it’s just by asking questions – makes them feel valued and understood. It also opens the door to deeper conversations and shared experiences.
6. Use technology wisely. While it’s important to minimize screen time, technology can also be a means of connecting. Video calls during the day, sending a quick text or voice message, or sharing a funny meme can help maintain a sense of closeness even when you’re not physically together.
7. Schedule time together regularly. Make time for each child individually, even if it’s just a short walk or a trip to the store together. This time together can strengthen your bond and give your child the opportunity to open up about things they might not share in a group setting.
Investing in your relationship with your children now will pay off in the long run. As they grow older, your strong bond will make it easier for them to come to you with their problems, seek your advice, and maintain a close relationship into adulthood. This connection isn’t just for the here and now; it’s meant to lay the foundation for a lifelong bond.
As the school year progresses, we should keep reminding ourselves that we don’t need to make grand gestures or work long hours of overtime to stay connected with our children – it’s about being intentional about the moments we have. Ultimately, it’s these small, consistent gestures of love and attention that will have the biggest impact on our children’s lives. Here’s to a school year full of learning, laughter and, most of all, connection.
Lauren Hall is president and CEO of the family nonprofit First Things First. You can email her at [email protected].
