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MMy parents joined the Children of God in the early 1970s. Back then, it was still part of the Jesus freak and hippie revolution. There were a lot of people who wanted to change the world, who wanted to have a different way of life and live outside of what was going on politically and socially. I can understand why someone from that generation might say, “Stop the world, I want out!” – and that’s essentially what my parents did.
They joined a commune in Bromley. In some ways they were completely disconnected from society, in others they were out every day, singing and trying to recruit new members. When there is a cult that has been around as long as the Children of God (incarnations have been around since 1968), the belief systems within the cult are constantly changing. They change depending on what the leader thinks that day, what he is “downloading” from God – and possibly how corrupt he has become.
By the time I was born, the community had evolved from a “Revolution for Jesus” community to a very dangerous one. The leader no longer spoke of free love and peace, but created an environment that was toxic and abusive, especially for children. My parents had joined one particular group, and my eleven siblings and I were born into another.
How can people become so insensitive to the world they live in? In the cult world, you often hear the analogy of the frog and boiling water. If you put a frog in a pot of boiling water, it will immediately jump out. But if you put it in cold water and slowly increase the heat… well, it will boil to death.
When you’re born into something that’s separate from society, it’s “normal.” It was “normal” for us to grow up thinking we were doomsday soldiers, that we would have superpowers, and that we would die as teenagers. But in the midst of this petri dish of craziness, our daily lives were mundane and really hard work.
The children were basically the workhorses of the children of God. We took care of the younger children. We cooked every single meal. We cleaned the house from top to bottom. When you have a commune of over 90 people, that’s a lot of work. We were the glue that held everything together.
We were hurt, mentally and physically: from months of isolation to starvation and hallucinating. It felt like the things they would do to break soldiers in war.
The key story we were told was that the end of the world was coming in the next seven years. We were raised to believe that none of us would live to adulthood, that there was a ticking clock above our heads, and that we would die in these “end-time wars.”
That meant there was no point in going to school. You didn’t have to learn anything except reading and writing to follow the Word of God and the Word of (cult founder) David Berg. You didn’t have to prepare for adulthood because you would never grow up. You didn’t have to know anything about the outside world because you would never live in it.
We were also told that we would develop superpowers, which is a great way to tell a story for kids. You think, “Wow, life might be really awful right now, but wait until my lasers turn on and I can start blowing things up!”
When you look at coercive control, one of the best things you can do is make someone as vulnerable as possible. And what is more vulnerable than a teenager who has no education and is completely unprepared for the outside world? Because of this, many of the girls who left as teenagers turned to what we were taught – sex work. The Children of God became notorious in the 70s and 80s for their “Flirty Fishing” – making money by essentially using the women of the cult as sex workers.
I realized something was wrong when we were put in “end-of-the-world youth camps” to make sure we followed the rules. We were hurt psychologically and physically: we were isolated for months, starved to the point of hallucinations, trained until we broke bones, malnourished, and beaten in public. It felt like the things they would do to break soldiers in war.
The other big turning point was when I met a journalist from The Guardian who could enter the community of God’s children. We had put up this whole facade for him – the whole thing was a PR exercise. We were trained how to answer questions about our well-being, our education, and the teachings of David Berg. We had to memorize all these lies.
He spoke to us children as if no one had ever spoken to us before – as if we were human beings. He asked what we wanted to be when we grew up, a question we had never been asked before. That got me thinking. I thought, “What if he’s right and what if they’re wrong?”
We lived in this little village outside of Leicester at the time that had two pubs and a post office. I started sneaking out and hanging out with the local teenagers to get to know their way of life.
At 14, I was desperate to get away. I met an 18-year-old boy who helped me plan my escape. I secretly took a part-time job to save money. As a teenager, you think you can get away with things like that. But it wasn’t long before I was caught.
Instead of being able to leave on my own, I was excommunicated – all the adults voted me out of the house and the next day I was kicked out. I had to face the reality of being a minor in the big wide world. It was even more terrifying than I imagined – I had to learn to survive, work two or three jobs at once, lie about my past, pretend I went to school.
I worked eight hours a day in a store and then ran straight to my (illegal) job in a bar. The Children of God had prepared me for one thing: to work hard. But it was difficult. There were times when we didn’t have enough money to eat. There were times when we wanted to spend what little money we had on a couple of cans of beer to experience being drunk for the first time. In a way it was incredible because everything was new and incredible – but everything was also scary.
Going back was never an option for me. Not after we had been lied to for so many years. Once you leave, you are seen as an enemy. There was even a prophecy that a demon lived inside anyone who left the children of God. I was only allowed to go back to visit my siblings once a year under the supervision of a chaperone.
Now everyone is out and that’s great. There are eight of us living in London, we talk to each other every day and we have a fantastic relationship. But it’s important to me not to have a relationship with my parents. The feelings they make me feel remind me of everything that happened.
People think that those of us who grew up in cults are these shy people who are afraid of everything. But in my experience, children who come out want Do everything. I have friends who ride motorbikes across the Sahara. I have friends who go to 13 festivals a year. They do all these amazing, crazy things because they were always told to do nothing when they were kids. Yes, we are scared, but kids who have grown up in a cult have already experienced the worst day of their lives in one way or another. Now we want to live life to the fullest.
Cult Following: My Escape and Return to the Children of God by Bexy Cameron is available now
