Where the hell was Beyoncé?!
We were promised a diva, but had to settle for the poor woman’s Taylor Swift (Pink).
In the run-up to the most important speech in Kamala Harris’ life, rumors circulated that Queen Bey would grace the Democratic Party Convention with her presence.
After TMZ reported that Jay-Z’s better half was indeed backstage at Chicago’s United Center on Thursday night, I spotted several delegates decked out in glittery “Cowboy Carter” hats and matching silver chaps.
Unfortunately, it turned out to be an imaginary fake and the whole fiasco was a metaphor for what America was going through.
Although she has served as California Attorney General, one-term Senator, and Vice President, few know the real Kamala Harris.
In the run-up to the most important speech in Kamala Harris’ life, rumors circulated that Queen Bey would grace the Democratic Party Convention with her presence.
From porcelain-shiny Eva Longoria to frenetic fluff-bearer Kerry Washington and even the Dixie Chicks (well done, girls, you messed up the Star Spangled Banner!), Hollywood, with all its fading glamour, has attempted to mold this empty papier-mâché vessel.
But in the end, it was a night to forget for Harris. Here are my key takeaways:
1. KAMALA WHO?
Although she has served as California Attorney General, one-term Senator, and Vice President, few know the real Kamala Harris.
Sure, she throws salad and giggles like a circus clown – but this fembot doesn’t come with an instruction manual. How Is did she telegraph?
She never made a major speech or distinguished herself on the national stage. (Don’t you dare mention the “border czar”!)
She also failed to win a single vote in the Democratic primaries and humiliatingly dropped out of her party’s 2020 race before the first vote.
And now, more than a month into her race for the White House, she still hasn’t given a media interview or held a serious press conference.
The central point of her speech was her autobiography—an inspiring, if bland, story about a beautiful girl with a strong-willed immigrant mother and a father who taught her to dream big (but who no longer speaks to her, but she doesn’t care).
Then Kamala the Chameleon changed her colors again – this time from left-pink to the good old moderate colors of red, white and blue.
We talked at length about fighting crime, cutting taxes, controlling immigration and a better economy.
I would almost believe it if she hadn’t ruled the country for the last four years.
2. The “Everywoman’s Law” HABIT LAST
Open ChatGPT and type in “woman running for president” and you’ll be presented with a typical Kamala tirade—a crowdsourced mashup of everything for everyone.
She promised on Thursday to “reduce the cost of everyday needs. For example, health care. Housing. And food … to end the housing crisis in America. And to protect Social Security and Medicare.”
When she’s finished, she says, she’ll have room for a second glass and “tax cuts for the middle class” to boot.
But how exactly?
She’s like a college student running for fraternity president: free breast augmentations for everyone and a refrigerator full of High Noons. It basically works until everyone gets pregnant.
From porcelain-shiny Eva Longoria (left) to raging excitement artist Kerry Washington (right), Hollywood, with all its fading glamour, tried to disguise this empty vessel like papier-mâché.
On September 10, she will face Trump on the stage in a debate – that’s when sunshine and rainbows could meet a cold front.
3. Biden’s spirit
Kamala tried with all her might to throw a few shovels of dirt on Biden’s political grave – but I could still see his hand sticking out of the freshly dug earth.
“To Joe Biden – Mr. President. When I think of the journey we have traveled together, I am filled with gratitude. Your record is extraordinary, as history will show,” she trilled.
How embarrassing that Joe wasn’t in the congressional hall to hear the compliment. It was sent Monday evening in a package with the Kamala logo – destination: glue factory.
The truth is, if Biden has done such a great job, why is Kamala proposing to fix everything?
It was the federal government’s completely irresponsible spending that exacerbated the economic crisis caused by Covid-19 and triggered mass inflation.
And now we learn that nearly a million of the jobs Biden boasted about “creating” didn’t actually exist (the Bureau of Labor Statistics claims the numbers are “wrong” – oops!).
Mark my words: Harris will soon throw what is left of old Sleepy in front of the presidential motorcade.
4. “JOYFUL WARRIOR”? YES, EXACTLY!
In closing, Harris invited Americans to join her on a cruise that will take them away from the country’s self-destructive culture wars to a happier place.
“With this election, our nation has a precious, fleeting opportunity to put the bitterness, cynicism and divisive struggles of the past behind us,” Harris said. “A chance to find a new way forward. Not as members of a party or faction, but as Americans.”
Give me a break, Mother Teresa.
We will not soon forget Harris’ “raze the village” approach to Supreme Court confirmation hearings for Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh as a senator in 2018.
Then, on a very flimsy basis—the testimony of a woman who alleged, without substantial evidence, that Kavanaugh had sexually assaulted her at a high school party decades earlier—Harris launched a political crusade intended to destroy a man’s life and reputation.
Why? Because he was a Republican’s presidential candidate, idiot.
But according to the shady Doug Emhoff, Bill Clinton and Reverend Al Sharpton (pretty good character witnesses), she is a “joyful warrior.”
She is a woman who was described as a “bully” by a former employee and who is facing serious allegations of having a “soul-destroying” leadership style.
“Happy warrior”? More like a vicious tyrant.
In the end, Kamala was the Ben Affleck to the audience’s JLo: in a sea of lonely optimists, a warm body stood on stage, a placeholder full of promise but without substance.
You can dress up the emptiness in a smart pantsuit and flowery phrases, and for 35 minutes it sounds pretty good. But when the balloons drop and the starting gun goes off for 70 long days until November, I fear the Kandy hype will soon be followed by a crash.
