NEW YORK, NEW YORK – AUGUST 27: Naomi Osaka of Japan reacts to her win over Jelena Ostapenko of Latvia in the first round on day two of the US Open at the USTA Billie Jean King National Tennis Center on August 27, 2024 in New York City (Photo by Robert Prange/Getty Images)
I have always had a weakness for mirrors. As a child, I would spend long periods of time in front of them, staring, dissecting and admiring my face. I could stare at myself for so long that I would cry and be overwhelmed with love for God, my ancestors and myself.
When I look in the mirror today, I smile. Sometimes amused, sometimes worried, but always in disbelief that this is my life. When I walk past the mirror today, I see the three inches of new growth before my curls start. There are the glasses that used to be optional but are now a necessity. I’m bored of the same old cycle of breastfeeding-friendly tops, occasionally speckled with the unmistakable neon green of newborn poop.
I look at my reflection and thinkWashed.
I’m a stay-at-home mom with a three-year-old and a five-month-old, and it’s pretty crazy.
I told my best friend of over 20 years that I don’t know how I’m going to care for these kids and myself at the same time. And I don’t just mean my physical needs. I mean my dreams and desires too. Motherhood is my life’s work. I know I’m meant to be a mother during this time. Still, it’s uncomfortable to put all other facets of myself on the back burner while I devote myself to this role.
Earlier this year, I happened upon the phrase “take back your pink.” It refers to the phenomenon of both male and female flamingos losing their signature pink pigment as they invest time, energy, and resources into raising their young. These birds actually lose distinctive features of themselves, turning almost white. But fortunately and miraculously, it comes back.
This week, we watched the emotions that arose as Naomi Osaka got a bit of her pink back. The former No. 1 seed tennis player returned to the game she loves but has struggled with recently after taking time off to carry and give birth to her daughter Shai, who was born last July. Her recent results include an early exit at the recent Paris Olympics and a loss in qualifying matches at the Cincinnati Masters on August 12. When Osaka won her match against world No. 10 Jeļena Ostapenko in just 64 minutes, it marked the first time Osaka had won a US Open match in three years and the first time she had defeated a top-10 player since 2020.
When Osaka came to the bench after the match, she shed tears.
Without any explanation, I knew what it was about. She was returning to professional tennis. She had recently spoken about feeling disconnected from her body after giving birth on the court.
“My biggest problem right now isn’t losing,” she wrote on Instagram. “My biggest problem is not feeling in my body. It’s a weird feeling missing balls that I shouldn’t miss, hitting balls that are softer than I used to. I try to tell myself, ‘It’s OK, you’re doing great, just get through it and keep going,’ but mentally it’s really exhausting.”
Through her victory, she has pushed aside her doubts and banished her fear. She has returned to herself. In an interview after the match, Osaka explained her emotional state.
“Last year I watched Coco (Gauff) play and I really wanted to step on that court again,” Sports illustrated reported. “I didn’t know if I could do it… just winning this game and being in this atmosphere means so much to me.”
It meant a lot to me too.
Watching sports isn’t just about seeing who wins or loses. It teaches us about mental strength, discipline and determination. It shines a light on the beauty of the human psyche. And for me, a constantly overstimulated and overwhelmed mother, Osaka showed that it is possible to come back.
