A simple question sparked a huge discussion on Reddit, with many users describing in the comments the subtle character traits that make a man desirable.
The post, titled “What little things are very attractive in men, but they never seem to notice?” has received 7,000 upvotes since it was published on August 22, along with 3,000 comments, many of which point out that attractiveness is not always related to looks. In fact, for most users, it’s qualities like kindness and attentiveness.
Newsweek discussed u/FrighteninglyClassy’s post with Charlotte Ball, a dating expert from London. She explained via email why many women care more about personality traits than physical appearance.
“That’s why women pay more attention to smaller details and look beyond the surface and pure physical attraction,” says Ball, founder of dating agency Bond the Agency, adding: “It’s absolutely true that women naturally understand that it’s often the case that the better you get to know someone, the more attractive you find them.”
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“However, there is one essential commonality among all the women I meet, both in my professional life as a matchmaker and in my personal life: They want a partner who will listen to them and make them feel heard,” Ball said.
“They want someone they feel comfortable with, someone they can confide in, someone who understands them. They want a partner they can talk to about anything; someone who is a good communicator and an active and empathetic listener.”
Reddit users joined in, with one comment alone receiving 11,000 upvotes.
User BubblyNovax said, “The way they listen carefully and remember small details can be surprisingly charming,” and another wrote, “Remembering small things is gigantic. I only know one man who does that and that’s my brother.”
“Empathic listening involves much more than just listening and using the tone of an interested and engaged person when speaking. This important skill focuses on understanding the emotions and meaning behind what people are communicating both verbally and nonverbally through their body language. It is the art of listening compassionately to someone so that the person feels heard, understood and ultimately valued,” explained Ball.
“An attentive look goes a long way. I’m a huge barker and it’s very disheartening when I talk about something I think the person might be interested in and then they just look at me like they can’t wait for me to finish,” u/xuwensky wrote.
User booh-bee wrote: “Platonic love for their other male friends. Like not being afraid to hug a friend when they’re sad. I love when men genuinely care about their mates. It means they’re emotionally intelligent and empathetic. Beautiful.”
Ball emphasized the importance of openness and communication in a relationship.
She told Newsweek: “Relationships are stronger when we feel listened to and understood. It helps build trust and create a safe space where authentic connection and understanding can develop.
“But it’s not just words that are important to women. Men can also show that they’re interested in meaningful ways through actions and body language.
“When a couple values open communication and creates a safe space where each partner can confidently share their thoughts, dreams, concerns and ambitions, the relationship can flourish and everyone can feel loved, valued and appreciated within it. They may even feel safe enough to try to reach their potential both personally and professionally.”
While the post suggests that looks aren’t everything, some users have pointed out certain physical traits that they notice in a man.
“Nice toned forearms. I feel like guys think abs, biceps and stuff like that are the only thing people pay attention to but forearms are hot,” said u/Patchumz.
User vivmassag wrote: “Nicely dressed man, but more importantly CLEAN! Wear a beard but keep it short, comb hair if there is any and make sure it is clean. Oh, and please pull up your pants. Be kind and respectful. It’s amazing how all this attracts similar people.”
In the comments, not only their appearance or behavior in a relationship is judged, but also their abilities.
User foryoursafety wrote: “Basically anything that requires some physical activity. And you obviously have to be reasonably good at it. Like chopping wood, playing an instrument, building something, etc. etc. It demonstrates skill, which is attractive to women for obvious reasons.”
Newsweek has reached out to u/FrighteninglyClassy for comment. We were unable to verify the details of the case.
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